Working productively under a highly capable manager with a harsh interpersonal style

Your manager is exceptionally good at the job, but the way they deal with people is abrasive. As a product manager, how would you handle working for them while keeping your own work, your team and the product on track? ```hint Split the message from the messenger Ask what the manager is usually right about and what the harshness is actually costing. Your response can then grow in step with the harm instead of jumping straight to the most drastic option. ``` ### Clarifying Questions - What form does the abrasiveness take: blunt criticism of your work in private, put-downs of team members in meetings, or dismissiveness toward partner teams? - Is the behavior aimed mainly at you, or at the people who report to you or depend on your team? - Has any of it crossed into harassment, discrimination or threats that company policy covers, or is it a matter of style? - Would the interviewer like a real past example told in STAR form, or your approach to the situation as a hypothetical? ### What a Strong Answer Covers - Genuine recognition of the manager's strengths, and separating the substance of their criticism from its delivery without excusing harmful behavior. - Understanding what triggers the behavior and adapting your own way of working with them before confronting it. - A private, specific conversation about the impact of the behavior, with clear boundaries and a fair, documented path to escalation if nothing changes. - Protecting the team and partner relationships while keeping the focus on customer and product outcomes rather than on winning the conflict. - Self-awareness and judgment: staying composed in the moment, owning your part, and knowing when the situation belongs with HR rather than with you. ### Follow-up Questions - In a review with a partner team present, the manager ridicules one of your engineers' designs. What do you do in the meeting, and what do you do afterwards? - You raise the behavior privately and the manager replies that only results matter. What is your next step? - How would your approach change if the abrasive person were a peer product manager rather than your manager?